Court-Ordered Child Custody “Mediation” in San Diego

Guiding You in Determining the Best Interests of Your Children

When parents face custody disputes, the court often requires them to attend child custody “mediation.” The reality is that this “mediation,” is not a real mediation. Instead, it is an interview of both parents regarding what custody and parenting time orders each parent wants, their concerns about the other parent, information about the child(ren), and other relevant information. If, at the end of the interview, the parents disagree, the interviewer will prepare a report on everything that was discussed and a recommendation to the Judge of what should be ordered.

Formally, San Diego County calls this process ‘child custody recommending counseling’ and colloquially, albeit improperly, known as ‘FCS mediation’ (because it takes place in the Family Court Services department of the courthouse). 

While this interview appointment can be an opportunity for both parents to work through disagreements and prioritize the best interests of their child, in most cases the parents are at the FCS appointment because they cannot agree on a parenting schedule. As a result, the process is often as adversarial as the courtroom. If that is the context, the goal of a parent should be to achieve a strong recommendation in their favor. This goal requires sufficient preparation prior to attending the interview. Once the interviewer files their report and recommendations, asking the Court to deviate significantly from the recommendations is often an uphill battle. That is why this FCS procedure is the most important part of the child custody and visitation process, and a parent needs to be prepared.

Here’s everything you need to know about this so-called child custody mediation, from preparation to what to expect after the sessions.

Inside this Article:

1. Introduction to Child Custody Mediation in San Diego
2. Understanding Child Custody Recommending Counseling
3. Preparing for Your FCS Appointment
4. Working with Your Attorney
5. Frequently Asked Questions

1. Know Your Goals and Priorities

Before mediation, think about what’s most important to you. Some items to keep top of mind may include:

• Parenting Schedule:
  Consider your ideal custody schedule. This includes both daily routines and special times, such as holidays. Now, consider whether your “ideal” schedule conforms with the best interest of your child(ren). This requires analysis of various factors your attorney can walk through with you.
• Holiday/School Breaks/Special Events:
  The weekly parenting schedules often need a carve out for special days, such as birthdays and holidays. Consider a proposal on how to share these days each year, or from year to year. 
• Communication Plan:
  How will you communicate about your child’s needs? Decide if you’ll use texts, calls, or a parenting app.
• Decision-Making:
  Decide on how major decisions—like education and medical needs—will be handled. The court rarely removes decision-making power from a parent without sufficient justification, weighing various factors.
• Transportation and Exchanges:
  Determine where exchanges will happen and who will handle transportation.

2. Gather Relevant Information

Collect any documentation or notes that may help support your position and addresses the child’s needs:

• School and Health Records:
  Include information on school performance, health issues, and special needs. Is there a link between this information and the parenting dynamic?
• Schedules:
  Include both parents’ work schedules and any other time constraints.
• Special Needs:
  If there are special needs, like medical or educational, make a list for the mediator.

3. Plan for Special Considerations

Think about any unique factors that could affect your custody arrangement, such as:

• Extracurricular Activities:
  Propose who will cover extracurriculars, transportation, and costs.
• Distance Between Parents’ Homes:
  If you live far apart, consider how this impacts visitation and transportation logistics.
• Alcohol/Substance Use:
  A parent’s struggles with alcohol and/or substances can have a significant impact on the structure of a parenting plan and the parameters regarding how visits are conducted. Consider the need for proper precautionary measures to protect children while they maintain a relationship with each parent. 
• Domestic Abuse:
  Parents must protect children from abuse. If a history of abuse exists and is made a finding of the Court, significant changes to legal custody decision-making and parenting time may result. Ultimately, children need to be protected while balancing their need to have their parent’s in their lives. 

4. Be Mentally and Emotionally Prepared

• Inflammatory Remarks:
  FCS is an adversarial event. You must be prepared to hear your co-parent speak negatively of you to a stranger. You must be prepared to handle the situation maturely, calmly, and professionally, whether the statements made about you are true or false. You will have your time to speak and to provide input. You want to appear reasonable. Let the other parent project unnecessary emotions.
• Patience:
  You may feel that the other parent has had more time to speak, or has stated more arguments than you have. You may feel the process is unfairly one-sided. Preparing talking points prior to the meeting, and informing the FCS worker at the start that you have items on your list you would like them to consider before the meeting is over, will help manage your time and ensure you have your turn to share.